im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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