his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
