You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
