i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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