It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
