it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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