I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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