i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
