help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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