i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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