Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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