I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
