I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
