You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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