you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
