You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
