she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
what day is it and did you see me today?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
