What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
