I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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