my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
