I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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