Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
either way he was missing a nipple.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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