After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
