Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
