I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
