I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
