false alarm. still invincible.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
