I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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