i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize