Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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