Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
