i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
