The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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