im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
