If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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