Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
