my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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