that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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