If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
