I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
