remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
