come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just high enough for therapy.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
