I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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