U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
