maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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