i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
