Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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