good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
