What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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