Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
