you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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