Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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