I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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