You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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