Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize