I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
