If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
