Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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