dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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