She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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