Taylor Swift is so right about you.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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