I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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