Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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