Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
