Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
