I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The power of my boobs compel you
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
