I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
