If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
