No subtext here. People are naked.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
