im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
