I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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