Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
