They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
