Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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