Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
