omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
