I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
