I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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