have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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