I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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